Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize