new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
