he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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