And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
