The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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