He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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