i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
