dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
