I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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