you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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