one might say we're banned from that church
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
