to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
