dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
