She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
