U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
