You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
