we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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