u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
