Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
