Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
