I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
