Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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