Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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