I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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