All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
