after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
