my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
