Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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