two words: eviction party
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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