I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
FUCK WHALES
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
