idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
