i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm at about main and main street
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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