I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
