I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
