Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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