Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
