Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
