you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
