nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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