people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
