i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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