Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
