screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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