Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
tell me about the fingering
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