grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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