Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
