Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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