wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
