I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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