no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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