Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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