Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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