so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i have herpe
just one?
My cat gives me a boner
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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