i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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