She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
