If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
