That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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