before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
