Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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