now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I deserve this hangover.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
