3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
