Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
