Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize