I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
