Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so let's talk penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
