I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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