If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
