Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
