Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Life is so much better after having sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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