Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
