Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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