If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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