she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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