I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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