And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize