just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
