I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His hands were made for my vagina.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
