well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
