I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
