so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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