what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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