Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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