I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
