Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
