He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
