The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
