i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
