this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
