And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
