She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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