My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
