I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
