I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
