So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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