take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
