remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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