it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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