I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize