You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
