Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
