what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
