The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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