Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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