his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
