She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
