OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
