just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
