i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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