they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You dont lie about slip and slides
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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