I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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