she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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