meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
