Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
