No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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