I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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