Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
