I faked an abortion last night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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