His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
