i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
